- teachers: you need to do better
- parents: you need to do better
- the world: you need to do better
- me: [patrick stump voice] but you need to lower your standards
- me: cause it's never
- me: getting any better than this
"i can’t figure out this problem"
teacher: use your head
This is Chester. When I was in Afghanistan I got a care package from one of those “Adopt a Soldier” programs that lets families send care packages to service men and women who are deployed overseas. Anyway, I got this care package, and it came with the usual stuff: Baby wipes, crackers, peanut butter, the Dad threw in a pack of cigarettes, and there was some jerky. But there was also a little beanie baby gold fish and a hand written note from a 7 year old girl that said
“Dear Soldier, (I wasn’t even mad)
I hope you are doing well. I’m sorry you have to miss thanksgiving with your family. This is my friend Chester. He keeps me safe from monsters, but I think you need him more than I do. I hope he keeps you safe from the monsters you’re fighting. Take good care of him for me”.
You bet your ass that little fish was in my pocket every time I went on patrol.
have you ever seen a chicken strip
There are two kinds of people in this world.
Finally, some good advice from Cosmo
im gonna reblog this 300 times a day
are u going to send me a taco
my ex got mad on facebook when he found out i was seeing someone else and he wrote “i hope he likes your loose pussy” so i commented back and wrote “my vagina is a muscle that will go back to the same size after sex. your penis will never get any bigger.” and now he is messaging me saying “delete that comment now”